Centering Self-Love on Valentine’s Day

Students speak on loving themselves and others outside of the hetero-norm

Photo Illustration by Dallas Downey

In a society where Black queer relationships have often been marginalized or erased, carving out intentional space for connection can feel radical. For Orville Amankwah, the day is less about grand gestures and more about honoring each other and themselves.

“There’s something really beautiful about prioritizing our [Queer & Black] love, especially on Valentine’s Day,” said Amankwah.

Amankwah, a fourth-year student at Northwestern University, and her girlfriend have been dating for two months, reuniting in New York City when they aren't in college.

In a cultural landscape where Black queer couples are underrepresented in mainstream media and public narratives, choosing to celebrate openly can feel like an act of resistance. For Amankwah, love is a political act of refusal.

Self-love is a deeply essential, yet often overlooked form of love, foundational to mental well-being, personal growth, and healthy relationships. For Melissa Watkins, Valentine’s Day is not only a day to celebrate romantic love, but also her self-love.

“There's nothing wrong with just taking care of you, doing what you want to do,” said Watkins. “Making your day special, every day.”

Watkins, a barista at Backlot Coffee Company, said she makes a point to indulge in small joys.

 “I treat myself to dinner, to some candy, to some roses. Make it rain on me,” said Watkins.

According to the National Retail Federation, 31% of people in the U.S still celebrate the holiday by engaging in self-care, hanging out with friends, or splurging on gifts. Watkins said self-love is just as important as loving someone else. 

“As a Black person myself, I make it my mission to always prioritize myself and my mental health,” said Adrianah Distant, a first-year student at Northwestern, studying Radio, Television & Film.

Historically, dominant narratives have often portrayed Black queer lives as modern phenomena or nonexistent. Highlighting historical love, relationships, and queer joy proves that these communities have always existed, resisted, and loved, regardless of societal recognition.

The intersection of Blackness, queerness, history, and romance is a reminder that love has always existed in these communities, even when it wasn’t widely recognized.

“If you can’t love yourself, how are you gonna love somebody else?” said Distant.